I often wonder if God has those days of...if I had onlies…..I think He must…how about you?  Here is a list of what I think He might do differently, if given the chance…..oh and if he had a female, such as myself nagging, uh, I mean whispering in His ear…..

1. Infants would all speak in a polite English accent….excuse me mummy, might I get a spot of warm milk…that is…when you get a wee second.

2. Toddlers would be MUTE!!!

3. Puberty would hit in the TWENTIES…when they leave the nest….by the way…this would COMPLETELY resolve teen pregnancy AND the oh-so-awkward moment when a mother discovers her son…you know….doing that guy thing….sigh…EMBARRASSING!!

SIDENOTE:  Seriously…why would you equip socially. physically and mentally immature boys with TESTOSTERONEhello…no disrespect God, but come on…poorly thought out….just wait until they are married or at least out of the house and then go all Emeril on them and BAM ’em with testosterone…..jus’ sayin.’  As for the female side of things…puberty when they leave would remedy HUGE amounts…if not ALL family discord….I realize God that you wouldn’t know this first hand, as you have NEVER LIVED with a premenstrual girl, but trust me…..the threat of HELL is surely NOTHING compared to living with teenaged girls!!

4.  MUTE teenagers?  I mean, a silent toddler…serenity…silent teens…well…. I am just guessing here, but I imagine it might be something like oh, I don’t know…..HEAVEN!!  Unresaonable…okay, I can negotiate…give them speaking privileges M-F 7a.m.- 4p.m…..you know…WHILE THEY’RE IN SCHOOL!!!

5. Menopause…really?  Have we not been punished enough for tempting dumbass to eat the apple??!!  Why can’t we just wake up one morning and be all…man I feel great…relaxed, serene and hey what do you know…no more period for me….woot woot!!!   I don’t understand your logic….the sweating, the mood swings….I’m thinking violence against men might decrease if you cut us some slack….trust me…living with men is plenty punishment enough for asking him to try the apple….I mean HE ATE IT…NOT US!!

Of course, I don’t mean to imply that you are inadequate in any way…. I am just suggesting that perhaps….just maybe you rushed into things a tad….7 days…..clearly 7 days is not enough time to get all the details sorted out.  I know how you feel….a list a mile long hanging over your head like a gullitine….you just want to get through it….cross off the heavy burdensome weight of THE LIST….and You sure did have a BIG one…I mean…create the heavens, the seas, the land, animals, night and day…I get it…not a small task,slightly OVERWHELMING….but there a some things you just can’t RUSH….like creating MEN and KIDS….I forgive You, though…I am sure you have a nice shiny mansion with built-in bay windows overlooking the sunrise and sunset, a wrap-around porch with endless amounts of wine delivered by a not-hard-to-look-at-drink delivery boy, who also happens to give a killer foot and shoulder massage!  Perhaps, You have taken the liberty to install a huge jacuzzi tub with a little keypad equipped to supply me with all of my whims and fancies with a push of a button and OH I can picture the massage chair vividly…Thank You God…you’re the best!!!  I am glad we had this chat!!

Now don’t go getting all offended….I wrote this in jest…a way to giggle on a dreary day!

Enjoy your day!!   🙂

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