I just keep messing up this darn tooth fairy thing and this time I have no HURRICANE to blame it on….

Last night I removed yet another tooth, as requested by Talia.

Dan and I instantly searched and found money….luckily for us, Talia prefers singles and coins…woot woot!  I placed said money in the pocket of my jeans…you know…to serve as a reminder of my tooth fairy duties….took Liv to the doctor (another kid with asthma…sigh) and kept mentally REMINDING myself...tooth fairy, tooth fairy, tooth fairy.  It’s awful…I am 42 years old and my short-term memory is all but gone….I wish my children lots of luck in dealing with me as I age….it ain’t gonna be pretty…jus’ sayin!’

Arrive back home and Dan familiarizes me with details of events that have materialized with regard to operation tooth fairy…..   “she drew a picture AND wrote a note to the tooth fairy, which has already been strategically placed under her pillow with the tooth.”  Of course he said this in the most subtle…..don’t f%$ this up Lisa voice.   I was all….I GOT THIS…SHEESH!

Bedtime rolls around and I THROW my jeans in the laundry and GO TO BED…..WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHAT HALF-WITTED IDIOT INVENTED THE DAMN TOOTH FAIRY ANYWAY!!!???

7 a.m.- I wake in a sweaty terror…..“Ahhhh, I forgot about the tooth!”  

I race downstairs, like nobody’s business, dig through the dirty laundry….EWWWW, there is nothing grosser.…find my jeans, grab the cash and run upstairs to head off a tradgedy….sidenote:  Tali usually wakes up at 7….I am on borrowed time, people!!

7:02a.m.-  Rip back her pillow…she is in my bed (she does this every morning around 5 when Dan gets up) to reveal a tooth and A NOTE….UGH…I forgot about the note!!!   

I mean for Pete’s Sake, right!?  Look at the detail on this?  That’s Talia lying in her bed with the tooth fairy hovering above, about to magically switch her tooth for cash…again who had so much damn time on their hands to hatch up a dumb fairy who has a thing for teeth so much that she leaves cash in their place…..sigh!  And then let’s just top it off with a big ‘ole I LOVE YOU TOOTH FAIRY!

7:03 a.m.  Sprint back downstairs, taking the steps by two to write back!  Paper, I need paper….got it!  Pen Lisa pen.  Oh, BUT NO Lisa desires a GLITTER PEN….. cuz’ tooth fairies write in glitter…DUH…. and my guilt is on overdrive!  Where is the dang glitter pen…why can’t anyone EVER put ANYTHING back in my anal-retentive-designated place….RRRRRRRRR!!!

7:03 and a half a.m.  tick…Tick….TICK….okay forget the glitter pen….GLITTER GLUE a heart…perfect!  Oh crap…glitter glue needs drying time…time that I DON’T HAVE!!

NEVERMIND the glitter!!!!

7:04 a.m.  I thoughtfully compose….

There you have it!  Really Lisa??!!  What the heck is up with that heart?

7:06 a.m.  Position my note under Talia’s pillow and return to my bed.

7:07 a.m.  Talia wakes….  “Hey mom, I can feel your heart beeping.”

me:      “Uh huh.”

Talia:      “And your all sweaty…could you not hug me?”

me:      “Uh huh.”

Could someone please fire me now!!??  PLEASE!!  Pretty Please with  sugar and the WHOLE FREAKIN’ BIT……I would like to STOP and GET OFF THE RIDE NOW!!!

Enjoy your day!   🙂

Advertisements