I swear Rye and Livi are driving me CRAZY!
Yep…the 2 sweet looking ones on either end of Talia! Rrrrrrrrrr!
Two years ago, the 2 of them would wake up fighting and continue until they closed their eyes at night….sigh….EXHAUSTING. It became so incredibly tortruous for me that for months I would fall into bed and just cry. Having grown up with brothers, my only experience with girls fighting had been through my 2 friends Tracey and Debbie when we were kids, and although they fought, I only remembered clearly, their adult relationship, which was solid and positive. I was literally on the brink of a break-down…no joke.
It is amazing how 1 person can alter the entire family dynamic and I had 2 messing with my stability. STRESSFUL! They were so mean to each other. I felt as though it was my fault…how could I have raised 2 of the most rude, mean, inconsiderate children to date? I was at my wits end and when I get to my wits end…..it’s therapy time! I forced them to therapy and I do mean FORCED! Ironically, before their first appointment, I noticed the fighting had ceased, not only that, but they were laughing together, confiding in one another.
Hind sight is 20/20…right? I knew their dislike/hate relationship was taking its toll on me emotionally, however I was unaware of how the hostile environment had plagued me physically. After a few days of harmony, my body notably endured less pain….no headache, no pinched neck nerve, no all over body aches….WOOT WOOT!
The last 2 years have been nice, an occassional arguement here and there, nothing outside of what I consider to be “normal” sibling stuff. UNTIL, this summer….what the heck…out of no where, they are back at it! AND I have ZERO reserve for it….ZERO!! While the fighting isn’t nearly what it was 2 years ago, I feel oppressed by it. I don’t get it….the 2 of them are non-stop this summer.
I don’t know about you guys, but I dislike MEANNESS, siblings or not. They have their OWN rooms…GO TO THEM for Pete’s Sake…STOP SUBJECTING ME TO THIS TORTURE!! I am telling you….I consider myself to be a reasonable, conflict-resolution oriented, compassionate mom and individual. Nevertheless…yesterday when they started up, I snapped! We were leaving to bring the dog to the groomer and the back and forth abuse started….I SCREAMED something to the effect of….IF YOU DO NOT QUIT THIS GARBAGE MY BRAIN IS GOING TO POP OUT OF MY HEAD AND BLOW UP INTO A GAZILLION TINY PIECES and then……YOU WILL HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES IN THERAPY TRYING TOP GET OVER YOUR GUILT OF BLOWING UP YOUR MOTHER’S BRAIN……sigh. Of course they looked at me like I had just sprouted 5 MILLION heads and 26 eyes…..as if I was the lunatic and what the heck was I OVERREACTING about…sheesh!
One of them, who shall remain nameless, had the AUDACITY to tell me to chill or something to that effect…..are they nuts…truly, I tell you I saw red….BIG TIME RED, at which point I confiscated and threw, what I thought was one of their cell phones out the window (we are still in our driveway) and ran it over with my car, clearly NOT my finest moment in parenting…I had gone plum CRAZY, to say the least. I am not going to lie here, it felt GREAT…my… so HUH...go ahead and challenge me again!! I was ALL righteous and “holier than thou!!” UNTIL, poor Talia, poor innocent Tal, said in a small adorable voice….”uh, mom…why did you just throw MY phone out the window and run it over with the car?” NO…it wasn’t a REAL cell phone….sheesh..it is a play one…I am not one of those people that give my 6-year-old a cell phone. I may be CRAZY and CERTIFIABLE at times, most of the time though, I am quite rationally sane…HA!
In any case, clearly I have no reserve for the incessant bickering and banter. I have a difficult time understanding it…no I do not reside in LA-LA Land, where everyone loves each other ALL OF THE TIME, I expect sibling arguing and the like, I just am NOT EQUIPPED for the non-stop barrage of cutting each other down.
It is a day of re-grouping in our house! We are going to have to sit down, what we refer to as a “pow wow” and clear the air…get to the bottom of the anger and move on….if not…who knows what I will run over next!! LOL.
In all seriousness….relationships are difficult at times…be it sibling, romantic, co-workers or friends…clearly we can’t loose our minds and retaliate in a manner of unhinged lunacy! How do you deal when you are at your wits-end? Obviously, I let go of my zen. I hated how I felt afterward, but people, children in particular, can bring out the ugly side of who we are. We are going to have moments of irrational poor choices…so what do we do with it? I guess I could rip myself apart, but what does that do for anyone? I have apologized for my “losing it” and requested that we let it lie until morning. We agreed it was time for a girl “pow wow.” Open, honest communication today will hopefully shed some light on where everyone is, emotionally.
There are rules to the “pow wow”….
1. Each person is granted 5 minutes with NO interruption to express their feelings.
2. No one can defend themselves or their behavior.
3. Everyone apologizes for inflicting feelings of hurt to the other, whether perceived or actual.
4. We find a way to be proactive in a solution for the problem.
5. “Pow wows” never go beyond 30 minutes and ALL parties agree to “let it go” when exiting the table.
6. Start fresh.
Does it always work? Nope. However it is NEVER a negative experience to open your eyes to what others are experiencing. If nothing gets resolved, at the very least, there is a sense of empathy for one another.
We are complicated.
We tend to live in our own bubbles of truth.
Pop the bubble and explore what others are experiencing.
Remember that just because someone thinks you inflicted an infraction upon them, does not make it true, it simply means it is how they experienced the interaction.
“I am sorry you felt hurt, it was not my intention” goes a long way in peace making.
Enjoy this beautiful weekend!!!!!